Archive | April, 2014

Wholehearted Living!

11 Apr

I believe passionately that we are all created uniquely and perfectly so that we can contribute to the world in a meaningful way – that our unique abilities and contributions are needed to create completeness.

I also know that the wear and tear of life tarnishes our beautiful, unique brilliance.  The norms of our cultures try to convince us that in someway we are not enough.  You know the drill; what advertising tells us, our work culture rewards, people answer their phones and text while we’re talking to them, and the commonplace eye-roll.  These not enough messages attack on every front and, they miss the most important truth.  You were born perfectly and uniquely – you are worthy just as you are.

My passion in life is to help clear away the rubble and let true brilliance shine!  To that end, I totally resonate with Brene Brown’s message of Wholeheartedness!

Wholehearted Living:  Engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness and ability to be resilient to shame; facing uncertainty, exposure and emotional risk, and knowing that I am enough.  Wholeheartedness is defined by compassion, courage, and connection.

What Wholehearted people have in common:

  1. Cultivate authenticity:  Letting go of what people think
  2. Cultivate self- compassion:  Letting go of perfectionism
  3. Cultivate a resilient spirit:  Letting go of numbing and powerlessness
  4. Cultivate gratitude and joy:  Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
  5. Cultivate intuition and trusting faith:  Letting go of the need for certainty
  6. Cultivate creativity:  Letting go of comparison
  7. Cultivate play and rest:  Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
  8. Cultivate calm and stillness:  Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
  9. Cultivate meaningful work:  Letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”
  10. Cultivate laughter, song, and dance:  Letting go of being cool and “always in control”

Today’s choice, which I strongly recommending you do!

  • Print a couple of copies of the Wholehearted list (I’m serious!).
  • Read through the list.  Note where you currently engage in Wholehearted Living and where you allow our culture or others to rob you of your unique brilliance.
  • Connect with friends and family members; ask them to do the same.
  • Ask those friends and family members to help you be honest about where you are engaging and being robbed.

Research indicates that if you call out and name something you dramatically increase your ability to do act on it.  If there is shame involved, speaking it out loud robs the power.

If you’d like to read more by Brene Brown, check out the Daring Greatly Book Report.  Enjoy!

Shame and Fear Talk!

5 Apr

Get a load of this…Shame and fear talk to you!  And they are very clever because they disguise their voices to sound Just Like You!

Don’t you ever know when to stop talking, eating, teasing, working …”
“No one really cares, pays me what I’m worth, listens to me, respect me…”
“I will never win, fit in, get ahead, get it right, figure it out, look good…”
“I am such an idiot why did I believe him/her?”
“I’m fat, stupid, a bad parent, partner, employee.”
“Someone’s going to find out I’m lost, confused, in over my head…”
“That person doesn’t really like, value, respect me…”
“No one get’s me, I’m alone.”

Do you ever feel the need to control the conversation, situation or others?  Guess what?  Shame and fear are usually behind that too.

I wrote that introduction four years ago after an interesting conversation with my good friend Mira.  Now there is researcher out there talking boldly about shame in the business world!  I thought it was time to get back to this important topic.

Have you heard of Brene Brown?  She’s been researching shame and vulnerability for over a decade!  She describes shame as “the painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”  She goes on to say that shame is the fear of ridicule, belittling and disconnection. And, shame not only talks to you, it stalks you!

Stress, imbalance, unforgiveness and conflict are all great friends of shame and fear.  The voice of shame and fear flourish and multiply when you’re stressed, swirling in ‘unfair’, out-of-control-busy, tired, hungry, holding a grudge or alienating others.  The noise can be deafening.

While shame and fear do talk to you – you don’t have to accept or even tolerate their opinion.  The only authority shame has is the authority you give it.  You have choice!

It’s time to be a detective of your mind.  Pay attention to what voices you hear and what they are saying.  If it’s shame or fear talking you might want to ask yourself a few questions?

  • Really, in whose world is that true?
  • Are there times where that is not true?
  • Where does my self-worth come from?
  • What assumptions am I making?
  • What else is true about this situation or me?
  • Do I want to accept this version of the situation or myself?

It’s your choice; control the voices that are influencing your mood, attitude, live and relationships.  Be a detective of you mind…choose your truth.  You are worthy!

If you haven’t checked out Brown’s Ted Talk, you might want to! http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability  and  http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

 Coming soon is the book report on her latest book Daring Greatly!