Shame and Fear Talk!

5 Apr

Get a load of this…Shame and fear talk to you!  And they are very clever because they disguise their voices to sound Just Like You!

Don’t you ever know when to stop talking, eating, teasing, working …”
“No one really cares, pays me what I’m worth, listens to me, respect me…”
“I will never win, fit in, get ahead, get it right, figure it out, look good…”
“I am such an idiot why did I believe him/her?”
“I’m fat, stupid, a bad parent, partner, employee.”
“Someone’s going to find out I’m lost, confused, in over my head…”
“That person doesn’t really like, value, respect me…”
“No one get’s me, I’m alone.”

Do you ever feel the need to control the conversation, situation or others?  Guess what?  Shame and fear are usually behind that too.

I wrote that introduction four years ago after an interesting conversation with my good friend Mira.  Now there is researcher out there talking boldly about shame in the business world!  I thought it was time to get back to this important topic.

Have you heard of Brene Brown?  She’s been researching shame and vulnerability for over a decade!  She describes shame as “the painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”  She goes on to say that shame is the fear of ridicule, belittling and disconnection. And, shame not only talks to you, it stalks you!

Stress, imbalance, unforgiveness and conflict are all great friends of shame and fear.  The voice of shame and fear flourish and multiply when you’re stressed, swirling in ‘unfair’, out-of-control-busy, tired, hungry, holding a grudge or alienating others.  The noise can be deafening.

While shame and fear do talk to you – you don’t have to accept or even tolerate their opinion.  The only authority shame has is the authority you give it.  You have choice!

It’s time to be a detective of your mind.  Pay attention to what voices you hear and what they are saying.  If it’s shame or fear talking you might want to ask yourself a few questions?

  • Really, in whose world is that true?
  • Are there times where that is not true?
  • Where does my self-worth come from?
  • What assumptions am I making?
  • What else is true about this situation or me?
  • Do I want to accept this version of the situation or myself?

It’s your choice; control the voices that are influencing your mood, attitude, live and relationships.  Be a detective of you mind…choose your truth.  You are worthy!

If you haven’t checked out Brown’s Ted Talk, you might want to! http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability  and  http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame

 Coming soon is the book report on her latest book Daring Greatly!

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